Thursday, December 2, 2010

o. m. g.

Woah. December second. Thats huge. That officially means less than 2 months until I have been alive on this earth for a astonishing 22 years. For those of you math inept, thats 2. Full. decades. plus 2. 

Jesus i am getting old.

Fun fact about me. Get ready. So, as a child, I was pretty rational, fairly in tune with fear and what scared me, and there was nothing, like nothing that sent my fight or flight response into action. I was nicely fearless, not the obnoxious kind, and when something scared me, I would boldly face it, or let it face me. But, the one thing that completely terrified me, horrified me, created a foundation for a many sleepless nights was aging. Every year I dreaded my upcoming birthday, which I am still not sure as to why. I was open to embracing the idea of responsibility, of evolving into a wiser, smarter, sharper person by the year, but I could not let go of the past. I wanted to maintain that invincibility children possess on occasion, I was liberated by my youth. But lets fast forward shall we? I obviously got over my strange relationship to something so natural, its unavoidable. We will all get older whether we want to or not, at least physically. I am now sans dread, and very much anticipate getting older. I just know I will be good at it, I will be a elated 40 something, trust me. But alas I am only 21, god. This has been the best fucking year of my life, so mental its coming to an end.

SOOO. Tonight i have my shared house to myself. all. to. myself. My mum is having girls night with a plethora of her girlfriends. Thus, I am having alone night, and it occurred to me only after I had already planned my night that this might be the most ideal time to invite my girlfriend over, but I am a nervous prompter of said invites and even more nervous of her turning my romantically delivered invite down due to one of many factors. So, instead, I am eating cereal for supper (so weird), writing letters to frantic pals eagerly awaiting my delayed responses, pouring my heart into blogger, and being gayer than ever. than ever.


Let me translate. So, something terrible, or wonderful, depends on how you look at it, happened to me this weekend. I discovered a fucking stock pile of dyke,feminist,queer blogs that lead to more queer blogs that lead to more, and to more. I found about a dozen that I found charming or insightful and have been obsessively reading the posts backwards, as to eventually read every one. I don't know if shocked is the right word, but I am still ______ at how much gay literature and reference material there is out there. And the internet community is heaping with inspiration. There is so much evolving and coming to global attention now that if you are not gay or bi or whatever, you are probably not having as much fun as those of use who like to kiss lips of the same sex, sorry. I also bought this months Diva magazine, have been watching Lip Service ( so good) amidst photo editing, keeping up with "itgetsbetter" and "" and reading essays that women who are a. lot. in every sense of the word have wrote. Phew. I am so charged with estrogen, its bananas. I feel smarter and more aware of all things gay and think this whole fascination with gay internet might be regimented into my daily life, at least for a trial run. 

Before I go, I am considering implementing a much broader focus into this premature blog of mine. It needs more dimension, more culture, more kiss and tell, more hot gossip, more pizazz. I am thinking food reviews, album reviews, more artist talk, more politics, more gay, more everything. You with me? Let me know what you think. Don't be shy, thats boring and gets you nowhere.  


Thats all.


oh. ps: Thats my friend Sarah, she is a stallion and a fierce actress. watch out. 

and The "Lip Service" trailer. Enjoy. 


ChantalSRJ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ChantalSRJ said...

Well I don't know much about pizzaz. But I do feel overwhelmed with thoughts and ideas and questions and FEELINGS.

I think that Canadian lesbians need an outlet, a gathering place that is different from American versions of you know, which gay people kissed on primetime last week.(So like... Not AfterEllen).

And it should even be more than just a gay thing. Because not all friends are gay. (Except Michael, who is a lesbian).

Okay, we won't ever be bigger than AfterEllen but like... I don't know. We have a voice, maybe we could put it out there. Like the Huffington Post, but the Varga post. With contributers- like... Your friends. And girlfriend- if we twist her arm enough. We could transcribe our discussions. Or have them online. Or something. (Sans the screaming "YOU SLUT" at one another of course)

Maybe like... One of Emily's zines, but online. With art, politics... Thoughts, ideas, feelings. Food reviews and recipies, yum.

I don't know.

Just thoughts.

I am recalling Against Me!'s song New Wave at this moment. Let's get together. Talk about it.


ps Sorry about the wasteland comment up there, I reread it and I thought Crystal might yell at me for writing too many lines

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