So, it has been a few sleeps since my last post. Hope life is grand to all everywhere. I am currently situated in my bedroom, stale ambient light seeping in through my blinds. It is stunning, I am sleepy, and a bit on edge feeling sorry for myself, but I am going to stuff that bullshit to the back of my brain and write about nice things.
I just delivered oranges to my girl at the University after an grocery shopping extravaganza with my best boyfriend. Him and I are total self proclaimed gluttons. Shopping with him is so perfect. He doesn't send me a slightly awkward/offensive glance or eye roll when I opt for the 10 bone chocolate bar over the 2, or the cheese with the most age. It's like an intuition, we just get each other. I have a friend who would grill my logic every time I would purchase something lavish, and potentially unnecessary, but all I could do is look into her brown eyes and say "honey, ya just don't get it."It's not like we have the dough to eat like we do, but if money is at it's core, perspective and priority, who's to say what money should be spent on? I think its my european blood that almost forces me to flirt with the temptation of buying amazing groceries. Eating is an adventure, it should nourish the soul. Okay, enough pointless food babble. The university was so fucking surreal. The colors of the surrounding trees, the subtle secretive exploration of campus makes me so happy, though she obviously has seen it many a times. I feel right at home there, as though I will follow suit and head to my linguistics class or something. But no, I am just a visitor, thinking I have found my vocation in life and that I am only to move forward, no more stagnant classrooms or backpacks to be seen. Clearly this is not the case, I love school and learning and may very well go back as I said before, but I like to think I am accomplished in this art thing of mine, though it's only the beginning, which is profoundly exciting. We sat in the grass, I peeled her an orange, she peeled one for moi. It was pretty romantic I'd say, though we did end up getting intertwined into the middle of two testosterone lead soccer games so we moved from our grassy haven to a bench. She smoked, I "smoked". I held her hand in amongst the stampedes of pensive, backpacked students, hoping we would not be run over in the midst of their class transitions. I drove her viciously to her next class, which, in a tiny, tiny selfish way, I wish she'd missed. But she made it, because I stand behind priorities and education and consistency. So.
I am wearing a shirt a dear friend traded me for one of my flannels. I am in love, completely. It still smells like her, and her apartment, and her closet. It is a very fall blouse, very gender benderific, yet gently hints it is a "womens" shirt. I am so alright with that, as even on my most androgynous days, I like to gently hint I am a female. Though I have a hunch it is always blatantly obvious. Fall fashion is killing me, KILLING ME. Everywhere I look I am sent into dizzy spells as beautiful ladies strut by in leather jackets with smoky eyes, or rugged leather gloves and cigarette jeans. Fall fashion is both a blessing and a curse, but such eye candy. I am on the hunt for an amazing leather jacket, something that I know will end up being expensive as I have only ever purchased average to below average priced leather jackets. I also want some mean leather boots, and gloves, and a haircut. Man, I want a lot of things, don't we all? I also need a new part time job, which warrants it's own post, which will be saved for a later date. But, I feel like, in terms of needs, some of my most needy qualities are being nicely massaged by a special person. Who, for the record, has the best style out of any woman I have ever met, bold statement, but so fucking true. I am jealous.
Well, to top off this completely impulsive post, which I am starting to see as a catch up post, I am having a very inspiring week. I woke up monday to heaps of emails in my inbox from either coveted people/artists offering either admiration and or propositions. I also heard from people that I had not for ages. It was like, for a split second that day, I was on peoples minds all in unison, thats magic. Though that potentially sounds selfish, I am just trying to articulate it. It was nice, and it completely pushed me, both artistically and mentally. I felt liked, needed, wanted, admired, inspired, mostly I just felt a lot all at once. A girl who I have always crushed on for her sass and style sent me a message that sent chills down my spine. She complimented first my work, then my style, then just a bunch of nice words to top it off. I thought I was dreaming. She would think I was insane if I told her that. But, it very much made my day. She is so cool, and I am incredible tempted to give yall a link to her fantastic and intimate blog that she updates regularly, but, I am going to have to hold back as to save my vulnerable self. So, alas this has inspired me to up my game and upgrade my one website while my second one is in the works. Hopefully rewarding, lucrative artist endeavors are to come. Stay close.
I also woke up at 10 today, was in bed by midnight. This is good progress.
-L
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