How common is completely unprovoked, non desired, totally unjustifiable change in your world?
I have always considered myself someone who feels somewhat completely in control of the decisions I make, my circumstances/situations I inherit, and, the people I surround myself with, people I fall in love with.
I am beginning to question all of the above.
Though I do still feel very intimately connected to who I am and what I am out for, I feel like there is a significant part of me which is SO open to the new found possibility of uncertainty and unpredictability of absolutely everything.
For instance, this summer I started socially smoking up a storm, and like it. I am admittedly so attracted to cigarette smoke, smoking, just the act in general. I feel like a total asshole when I include it in my work, though knowing I could be doing worse, I digress and allow it. But, I have been smoking, point made. (though it has to be noted that I only recently learned how to inhale like a seasoned lung cancer smoker, and prior, none of my friends had any faith in my "smoking" techniques" And, I might make a deal with myself that I can only smoke cocktail cigarettes, like Fantasias perhaps. Who knows.
I also reinforced my love for dogs, which will forever be kept at a healthy, incredibly unfortunate distance. Dogs, to me, as well as horses, but especially dogs, are like a face you can never kiss, or something so incredibly unattainable that you just stare and live vicariously through the person enjoying all the intimate company, kisses, trouble you cannot. I always felt in the past, that to have to distance myself, and draw all these seemingly unnecessary lines between me and something that brings basically everyone so much joy was the hardest thing I'd have to do. I mean, its just allergies, not a bullet to the heart or anything, but the point of me rambling on is that, after spending a entire day with a lady friend and her F'N stunning girl Blake, I am noticing that these said allergies are totally tolerable, and so worth compromising for a day with two beautiful women, anytime. That was a great conclusion to come to.
Not like either of the above warrant any extreme changes, but, both things are pretty unusual for me.
Habits is a good topic, potentially to good to leave as the last paragraph. So I will leave it for the first paragraph of my next post.
My 5 worst habits, so you can leave having learnt something: (not in any particular order, and not exactly THE WORST ones, just the ones I am comfortable sharing.
1) salvation when nervous/ nail biting, picking, flicking, anything and everything.
2) repeating a song much too many times for days on end
3)Ignoring logic when I really shouldn't
4)Hair touching, (personally, I think it's sexy when other people, especially women do it, so I am all G with it)
5)Setting my expectations much too high.
Oh, and driving with my knee, and eating right before bed, sometimes in bed, and bringing my laptop into the bathtub, true story.
Till we meet again.